Happy Birthday 2021

 Happy Birthday mom!

I bought you some flowers that I will be bringing to you this weekend. They were still bulbs of lilies when I got them on Thanksgiving Day, but I see them blooming in my kitchen already.

There's so much that has happened in just the last few months (not even the year).

I started a new job doing computer work again (of all things). It's been about a month or so since I've started, but I still have no idea what I'm doing. An old friend of mine named Chris happens to be on the same team. He started about 2 months before I did and also doesn't seem to have a clue what's going on. So that kind of made me feel better.

So many people have come and gone from this role before and they manage to do the job... I hope I can figure it out too.

There's more to this too: we bought a new house!

We love this condo very much, and it's hard to say goodbye. But I think with 4 people living in 700+ sqft. We've maximized whatever we've got in terms of storage. We'd like a place that the kids can play and have space for a desk one day when they need to start doing homework.

We couldn't afford a house-house in Vancouver. So we got a townhouse. The strata fees are insanely expensive. We hope it will come down one day? I don't know if that's realistic. Some days I still have doubts about whether we made the right decision, but there aren't that many options if we want to keep Hailey in the same school.

With the amount that we paid for the townhouse, we probably could have bought a grungy detached home on the east side. But I think our main goal was to keep Hailey at the same school.

Hailey seems to be doing well and making friends at school. I still worry about her though. I hear that she likes to play alone sometimes, but she seems to be happy playing alone without anyone else. I just hope she doesn't get bullied or anything.

Tracy seems to have developed this whole new level of anxiety. Dropping her off at daycare has been just heartbreaking all the time. I hope she grows out of it... eventually.

Anyway, I gotta get back to staring at my screen and not knowing what to do for work.

Wish me good luck! 

Juli

2020... As we know it.

 Hi mom,

I didn't mean to not write to you for so long. It's almost been a year. Your birthday is coming up, so before I forget, Happy Birthday!

There's so much to update you and I don't even know where to start.

BB got diagnosed with ASD late last year. It was hard to get a support team together to help her but she is developing really well now. I can definitely see the improvements she's making and it's just so nice to see that she is able to play with other kids of her age.

I really wish we had more time to spend with Mui to help her catch up, but according to Hanson, she's counting earlier than BB was. Hanson recently brought Mui to see the speech language pathologist and she doesn't seem too concerned with her speech. Although sometimes she's still hard to make out what she is saying.

Hanson recently got shingles, so that was awful. Luckily that's done and over with now. However, over the last couple of days, he noticed the lymph nodes in his neck growing a bit. I hope it's nothing, but he went to see the doctor and got some blood tests done this morning. Fingers crossed that it's nothing.

Overall, you might not know, but the whole world has been on lock down since March because of the Coronavirus pandemic. We had to cancel our Disneyland trip that we had planned back in May. It seems so petty to be sad about that, but I would really like to take the kids to Disneyland before they grow out of their princess phase.

BB started Kindergarten last month. 

The first day of school was tough. It was only 1 hour of class and it took 20 minutes to convince her to go inside. We had a talk about it when we got home and she wasn't as scared the next day.

She was so good the following day because she just went in there after giving me a big hug and said bye. When I picked her up an hour later, she asked me where we were going. When I said that we were going back home, she said that she didn't want to go home, but she wanted to go back to school. It seems like she really enjoys it.

Third day was a bit tougher. She coughed once in class and the teacher sent her to the principal's office thinking that she might be sick. But really I think she just had to clear her throat. They called me to get her picked up early, but because we established that she wasn't really sick, I was hoping that she could return to class. But of course, as soon as she saw me, she thought it was time to go home and so I just end up taking her home early. 

That same day, we got a phone call from Mui's daycare and said that she had a "fever of 37.5C". Thirty-seven point five?! That's not a fever. We had some talk regarding that , but because that was the daycare's policy, we had to bring Mui back home and keep her home for the rest of the week.

It's been a really strange year and everyone is getting really paranoid, which I can understand, but it's also hard because we always have to be on standby to pickup the kids if they cough or have a runny nose in class.

BB's a really smart kid and I'm not worried about her academics. I asked her what she learned recently in Kindergarten and she said "phonics". I remember phonics that was fun. 

Mui is very independent and strong-willed as we know it. You tell her not to do something, she does it anyway. While it can be good, I'm scared that she might end up on the streets one day because she's secretly defiant.

I've been crocheting lots and I'm sure you've been keeping up with all that I've been making. I miss you lots and think about you often. I'm sorry I haven't written in such a long time.

With the Pandemic that's been happening, we're just living it day by day.

Please come visit soon. I miss you very much.

Love,

Juli

Happy Belated Birthday!

Happy belated birthday, mommy!

Last Monday would have been your 61st birthday. We missed you here.

We brought BB to see a developmental pediatrician... and they confirmed what we feared all along. She has autism. Luckily, her autism is really mild and most people who actually know her doesn't feel like she doesn't fir the diagnosis.

For the most part, I am still hoping that she will grow out of the diagnosis. But there's no harm in getting her some help along the way.

We are trying to get help now. I will be seeing a behavioural consultant next Monday. Hopefully they can help us come up with a plan. Hope you are looking down on us and guiding us along the way.

I miss you so much.

Juli

My Birthday

I haven't really celebrated my birthday since you've left. But then again, I don't think I've been really celebrating my birthday much since I've gotten older. But today, 32 years ago was when you became a mom for the first time.

Thank you so much for giving me life. I love you so much and I hope I am doing you proud that I am an oncology nurse now.

PohPoh Fell...

Dear Mommy,

Last week, Poh Poh started feeling weak behind her knees. Not sure what was happening but she fell. And then over the weekend, she fell again. Luckily, 5 Yee Poh was there and was able to help her up. She had just finished going out with 5 Yee Poh. Poh Poh said taht she couldn't really walk all that far because her leg was walking. So when I went to visit her on Saturday, she was walking with a cane.

Cow Cow took her to see the doctor on Monday. They suspect it could possibly be a blood clot? Not sure, but they had her do some blood test the following day. I called Poh Poh to see how she was doing on Monday night and that's what she told me. She said that she was actually feeling much better by Monday and said that she can walk around without a cane again.

I still worry about Poh Poh though. They were thinking about installing/subscribing to the safety call bell program thing at home again so she can get help in case she falls or is experiencing trouble at home. I really wish that Poh Poh can move closer to me so I can keep a closer eye on her. Unfortunately housing is just so un-affordable here.

I hope you are doing well and please look after Poh Poh from where you are...

Juli

My IV Skills

Dear Mommy,

My IV skills are improving! I'm finally on my own for chemotherapy now and initially, I was having so much trouble with IVs. But I think I've gotten some tips from some of the pros who work around here and my IV skills are improving!

I remember how you told me always worried because your veins were always so difficult and small. Looking at my own veins, I am actually quite impressed how gigantic they are! It would be hard to miss an IV on me, but hey, it happens!

Mui is talking a lot more now. Saying "no" all the time.

BB is also talking more and has more vocabulary. BB definitely springs some surprises on you every now and then. She is still a bit socially awkward. I am hoping that she will grow out of it. She seems to have some anxiety when she is around other kids. It's not surprising given that she has some speech delay and other kids have difficulty understanding what she is saying.

Mui seems very socially inclined. At Brentwood mall the other day she and this other kid ran into each other. She didn't cry. In fact, she stuck out her hand thinking she would try and help the other kid (who's older than her) get up. Definitely very different to see as compared to BB.

I had a dream with you in it the other day. There was a free figure skating show in downtown and I asked if you wanted to go with me. You know me and free stuff. Of course you said yes, and we were walking to the bus stop together to catch the bus to downtown.

I miss you lots!!!

*Hugs and Kisses*
Juli

1 Year Already...

Dear Mommy,

I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write to you over Christmas and New Years. I still haven't gotten a chance to call Poh Poh since the beginning of the new year. It's been really busy lately and I've just been exhausted.

I started up in the chemotherapy unit. I have to admit... I'm not very good at starting IVs. I feel bad for my patients when I have they have to endure more than one poke from me. It's awful. I am meeting many people who are going through cancer and chemotherapy experiences like yours. I come home pretty tired...

As I am typing this, Hanson and I are also yelling at Hailey trying to get her to eat. Work feels non-stop from working at work to working at home. Hailey has also requested that I sleep with her every night. So I haven't had any time to myself or time to do any crocheting. 

We caught the flu or something at the beginning of December and has been coughing since. I might have pulled a muscle on my back or something because every time I breathe in, it hurts. The weather has also gotten more rainy and cold lately, so my knee is also hurting. Actually, since yesterday afternoon, my bad knee seems more sore and swollen than usual. 

I can't believe that tonight just shortly after midnight marks the time you took your last breath in this world. I hope the world you are in right now is treating you kindly. We all miss you here....

Love,

Juli

Missing You this Winter...

Dear Mommy,

This would be our first Christmas without you. I miss you so much.

BB occasionally says that she misses you too... and she repeats that you went to Heaven. BB is unfortunately not eating anything. She has gotten so skinny. She probably only takes one bite of her meals and then that's it. I pretty much have to force her to eat, and it just makes dinner time a terrible experience for everyone. I worry that she is getting skinnier every day.

Mui Mui is advancing really quickly. Yesterday I think I saw her jump off this cement bar in the parking lot with two feet! Mui Mui eats a lot too, so she is bigger and healthier than BB.

We have all been sick for the last week since BB started at a new daycare. Whatever she brought back home has proven to be extremely contagious. Mui got over it pretty quickly... maybe a few days? But BB has had an on and off fever for the last week. Yesterday being the latest one. I worry about her.

BB got a new haircut shortly after I sent my last letter back in October. She is so proud of her new haircut. I was afraid that she might freak out on live TV when she realizes that she couldn't attach her hair back to her head. But she was so good and she loved her new haircut! She kept on repeating that she looks like me. It's really cute :)

Mui's hair is getting longer too. Looking at her, she reminds me of how long BB's hair was when she was the same age. Her hair must grow pretty fast given that she had less hair to start with!

Mui seems to really enjoy daycare. She is so affectionate and loves sticking to people. BB on the other hand is more shy and timid and afraid to approach people. At the new daycare, there seems to be less number of kids than the previous daycare. I hope she will get to make some closer friends here.

I hope you are doing well wherever you are. I always thought I would write to you more often, but I get a little lazy, you know? lol

Love,
Juli

Happy Birthday Mommy

Happy Birthday Mommy!

Today would have been your 60th birthday. I remember that we went to Dragon View restaurant for your birthday last year. Daddy sent me some photos that he took this time last year. I remember you already not really able to eat anything at the time. Your appetite wasn't really good. But in the photos, you still looked pretty healthy.

We went to Dragon View restaurant today for dim sum.

We all miss you very much. I bought you some flowers. I thought they were carnations. I hope you like them.

Love,
Juli

Jeffrey is Moving Out

Dear Mommy,

you should know that I'm trying out this new feature on my Android phone called talk to text. so I'm not even really typing on my phone right now. I'm just getting that lazy.

The two kids are now in bed. I had a really tiring day today. Mui's tantrums have gotten a lot worse over the last couple of weeks. today at Metrotown while Hanson was trying to return something we just kept on trying to get away from me and BB kept trying to climb on the glass rail. It's really tough controlling two kids when you're all alone.

I want to go have dinner with Daddy last weekend at home. When I got to the front door, I kept on getting these visions of the funeral home workers taking your body away in a body bag. I miss you so much and I really wish that I had more pleasant memories of you.

Jeffrey and Stephanie are moving out. They found a place in Richmond. Daddy and Ah Poh went to go check out the place today during the inspection and it sounds like it's a good buy. The layout seems really functional. I'm pretty jealous! 

I tried measuring out BB's room to see how I can fit a second crib and even that is a challenge.

Daddy seems to be fine about living alone. He doesn't seem to want to live with Jeffrey and Stephanie together anyway as it sounds like they stay in their rooms more often than anything. If you've seen Jeffrey's room now, it's really decked out with all the TV and gear. They would never need to leave their room. I am hoping that I could finally walk back into my room too. 

I will update you as more happens! 

Love,

Juli

Passed my Chemo Exam!

Hi Mom!

So I've been at BCCA for about a month now. I'm actually enjoying the work a lot more than I thought I would despite not working with little children. All my coworkers are really nice (so far) and I am learning a lot. Oh, and guess what?! I passed my Chemo/Biotherapy exam! This means that I get to attend the biotherapy course in September and soon be able to give chemotherapy on the 6th floor.

On top of all that, I end up working in the same clinic as Dr. Ho a few weeks ago. I meant to let you know sooner, but I was too busy studying for my exam. I think it became a little awkward for her. She recognized me, but she couldn't quite pinpoint from where. I then reminded her that we've met before when you were her patient. So yes, we've met before, just in a different context. I updated her on your status and she sent her condolences. She asked how daddy was doing, and I was honest with her. I then told daddy that I saw Dr. Ho the other day. Daddy just wanted to send his thank yous to her for all that she did for you, and for us.

I'm sure I'll see Dr. Ho again in the future when I work in her clinic again. I hope it won't be as awkward for her next time. I'll remain professional too.

Juli