Dear Mommy,
I hope you are doing well. We are all missing you very much here. We are still trying to pick up the pieces of our lives that you've been helping us manage all these years. Daddy just figured out how to set up his electronic banking to pay all the bills for the house. Poh Poh is still trying to figure out what to do with all her bank accounts that she has joint with you. I just recently cleaned up my bank accounts with Lana and consolidated everything.
I've been reflecting on what has happened in the last 2 weeks and it almost seems like I'm going through a midlife crisis. Since your funeral, I've had a haircut and I ended up getting a tattoo on Saturday. Hanson doesn't know about it (yet). I haven't told him, and I don't think he's noticed yet. Last time I brought up the fact that I wanted to get a tattoo, he was pretty unhappy. I figured I'll wait as long as I can, and when he finds out, I will just be like "Oh, that thing? It's been there for like a year already."
I know you would be unhappy about me getting a tattoo as well. I don't mean to go against you or your wishes. But I really wanted something that I can carry around permanently that would remind me of you. I ended up getting my tattoo at "Sacred Heart Tattoo". It's not associated with our elementary school or church, but I thought it was an interesting fact.
I ended up getting what I wanted, which was a Pooh Bear riding up on a balloon to heaven and found his butterfly. I got it on the side of my ribs. It was more painful than I expected. Emily actually came with me and just so you know, she did not have any influence on my decision about getting this tattoo. I held Emily's hand the whole time; I thought I was gonna break her hand. But you know what? No matter how painful it is, it's nothing compared to what that hole in my heart feels like from missing you.
I think about you constantly. I still wait for you to come into my dreams.
I love you so much,
Juli