Dear Mommy,
It's been more than 6 months since you've been gone. I think about you every day. In fact, not a day goes by without me thinking of you. I'm sorry I didn't write more often. Sometimes, I want to think that you can somehow just read my mind now that you're a spirit. I don't know how true that is though.
BB has been talking a lot more. In fact, a lot of times she doesn't shut up until you acknowledge what she says. You would be so proud of her now if you were here to see. Mui Mui started walking at 10 months and you can imagine how busy I've been. She's also learning how to talk and mimic now too.
I started going back to work this month. I still think about the day that they called me to let me know that I got the position. I'm so glad that I got to tell you before you passed just 12 hours later. I know how you wanted me to get a job with more stable and predictable hours.
So far, it's been 2 weeks of orientation and it's been mostly self-learning on the computer. It's pretty painful, but we've sneaked out early quite a few times to make up for it. We've had 2 days of observation in clinics and those have been much more enjoyable.
Apparently, I have to do an exam before I can give chemo. That's why those nurses who gave you chemotherapy are so knowledgeable. I just need 75% and above to pass but it has still been stressing me out. I reserved a week for me to study for it over my maternity leave and I couldn't even get through half the material. Most of the time, it's like... "I know I'm reading English, but I have no idea what I am reading" -kind of feeling.
Anyway, I've been trying to keep a routine and stay in touch with both daddy and Poh Poh since I've been back at work. It's harder to get to see Poh Poh given that she lives alone and Kau Kau is not that helpful. I often feel like I can't go see Poh Poh when daddy is around too. I can tell that daddy is still very depressed. He's not eating very much and says he's full all the time. He's gotten really skinny now too. Most of the time he seems like he doesn't know what to do with himself. I see him and I can see how lonely he is. I pray for him to regain his strength and continue to live on. He's so depressed and I feel his pain too...
I love you mommy and I miss you very much,
Juli